She Never Lets Me Go

From May:


In my previous work with children at a special needs camp in New Hampshire called "Camp Starfish", I learned several de-escalation techniques for children undergoing an emotional "escalation", which often involves an outburst or an extreme withdrawal.

Although the students at Greenbrier aren't necessarily classified as having "special needs", I still use these de-escalation techniques on a daily basis when students (often under stress from their environment) require additional attention. One fifth grade student in my homework group often thrives with any one-on-one attention. He was having a particularly rough day following directions and I asked him to talk with me in the hall. He initially refused to sit within 10 feet of me and I patiently waited until he inched closer and closer to talk. This process of proximity control was one of the most crucial strategies I learned at Camp Starfish. Using phrases such as “When you are ready, I need you to sit by that door,” or “I’ll know you are ready to discuss this in a mature and calm way when you are facing me,” and “Is it okay if I move closer to you?” establishes the climate of the conversation, is calming and shows the child that you are dedicated to helping them feel better (even amongst the chaos ensuing in my homework room next to us at the time) and problem solve with them instead of for or without them.

After 10 or 15 minutes we were able to come to a decent conclusion and he seemed to be moderately calmer. However, he chose not to engage with me for the rest of the homework period. I left feeling unsure of how our conversation had impacted him.

After program ended that evening, my supervisor told me that she had asked the student how the discussion had gone between us. He said “She never lets me go.” “What do you mean?” my supervisor asked. “She never lets me go. You know…like a good friend.” 

what?